I may be turning this blog into something I can just spew out my thoughts without consequences. So, bare with me while I do that.
I am drinking tonight, as I am sure all of my post will be starting as. Tomorrow, July 20th, will be the one year anniversary of Dave’s death. I feel that his death has brought me closer to being a better person, because I realize how much I meant to him and I cherish that. I think about when he told me that if it wasn’t for me he would have committed suicide. I remember at the time that I thought it was so selfish of him to say, but he was just trying to express to me how much I meant to him. He told me that he was so low and he thought it about it during the week, but the only reason he didn’t do it was because he knew that weekend he’d see me. He was the only person I’ve ever known to love me unconditionally, and I want to honor that memory. I want to exude good thoughts and happiness to others. I wouldn’t be who I am without him, and I want to have that impact on others. But, at times like this I feel selfish, and I want to mourn the loss. I wish you could have seen his eyes when I would come up the driveway. He was so happy. I wish I could see that face again. I was undeserving of the love he gave me, but I promised myself I would never be again. I would cherish what I had as a tribute.